Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Mind Games

It doesn't end when you leave

I have been holding to the recommended no-contact with my husband. There isn't anything directly coming from him. But he is still playing the games. He is posting things to facebook that should be coming from me. Things a survivor of abuse would say. I have remained silent. He has been commenting on my families pages as well.

There is so much I want to say publicly. Everything he has thrown out there, I want to comment on. So I will do it here. From his facebook timeline in the order they appeared:

Uh, Okay. I already did.

If you had made any, I would have. In fact I even thanked you for the one thing you stopped doing and then praised you for the change to your therapist. You promptly started doing it again and even tried to convince me I was wrong for feeling offended because someone else thought your jokes were funny. However, I do not see why you think I would respect you for all the dumb things in your past... I don't think you meant to say that...

True. Which is why I was careful who I vented to, and the wording I used... or is this meant as a warning???

So you are saying I shouldn't have given you a place in my heart? Or are you trying to say I should have stayed and endured all the abuse?

That's the only reason I stayed as long as I did. I tried to keep loving you even when I was getting nothing in return that could be construed as love. For years.

So you are saying that you agree with my decision to leave then?
Ah. Yes. I didn't praise you enough for the little things you did for me, right? Even when you made dinner and it was food you knew I didn't like and ended up not being able to eat? Or when you would do everyone else's laundry in the house but mine using up all the quarters? Or when you would "let me sleep in" and miss an appointment? I could go on...

Are you giving me permission? Or trying to twist it around for yourself to garner sympathy?

So I should feel sorry for you?

Exactly how I have described it to you. Nice that you seem to get it finally. Oh wait. You are talking about yourself? Does this mean you are going to actually start working on your issues now? Go to your appointments and participate in therapy? How about actually getting tested and finding out what your problems are? that would be a place to start...

So, you are saying you didn't love me?

Kind of. Love is about mutual respect and making someone else a priority in your life. Showing you care and being there for them and supporting them. Not playing the martyr and then looking for pity and blaming the person you "love" for how miserable you have made yourself. But I really hope you do want me to be happy. I still want that for you.

Actually, if someone really loves you, they will do everything in their power to make you want to stay no matter how difficult the situation is.

I feel a bit better. Like I set the record straight.

Though no one really knows about this blog who knows me.

There was more. He has been flooding facebook with posts. Tons of stuff about dating and what he wants in a partner as well. I worry about whoever he gets next. He would only go on FB every few months until our last couple's session. Then he was always on and always reading over my shoulder. Some of the others I saw seem to have been removed from his page so that responding to it will make me look nuts. I had already shown them to others, though, so I have witnesses that they were real.

I don't know how to handle this. He still has a lot of my stuff, and my adult son is living with him temporarily. I don't want my kids to become targets for me. I need to get therapy started here and get some guidance. 

I know he is still gaslighting.

Read that link if you don't know about that mental abuse technique.
For now I guess I stay quiet or vague publicly. And don't respond to his bait.

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