Thursday, February 18, 2016

Confrontation

Unintentionally 


So, I had decided not to confront my Other. I have been redirecting his texts into conversations about the details of getting a few personal items back from him. Being polite but not giving any information on myself. Then tonight happened. What follows is our conversation, Next post will be a reality check based on this conversation.

He's been trying to draw me into a conversation about us repeatedly. I decided to just give in and respond truthfully but with as much kindness as I could muster.

For clarity: Missy (Babygirl) is my dog.

How've you been doing? Been thinkin about ya an hopin U are doin ok.
as good as can be expected. how's the sorting and packing going?
Long an crazy. You have a buncha' plates an stuff now. Sorting out kitchen stuff 4 U.
I miss the cuddles frown emoticon
i bet.
Except Missy hoggin the blanket- lol
L***** had back surgery the other day
hope it went well
She seems better. A boone fragment grew into heer muscle and was stabbing her from the inside
ack. i should call her or something.
She's been home quite a bit lately.
U tell D** Happy Birthday?
of course.
I've been slowly putting stuff 4 U in the closet
You been doin ok there?
somewhat.
What's wrong?
besides missy throwing up all the time and not knowing anyone here?
Poor Baby girl
Well, I miss you bein' here
sure.
What do U mean? I miss my Buttercup
No matter what you may or may not think, I will always love you!
k.
K?..... What's the matter?
I don't know what you expect me to say to that, but i didn't want to not respond. so i said "k". nothing is the matter.
I dunno... guess I was jus worried. Jus wonderin what ya think and how you feel
why? (brb. need to go outside for a minute)
I tol a... I care about U. U know that.
No, I don't know that. You made it clear that you don't actually care about me. You care about you and how I made you feel, and what effect I had on your life, and what I could do for you. Not me. And I am learning to accept that. Right now you are worried about your reputation and how you look to me, not about me at all.
My reputation? Sigh... I dunno where certain thought issues come from there, but I guess I jus can't simply understand where you're coming from. Yes, I do have certain issues with "How I look to you", but I never singled my thoughts out on myself. Never will. I always wondered what was goin on with you and why things were going as they were. You are the only person I can honestly see myself with and I even said about being with you till I die. I stressed about everything and you and what was happening to you was a big part of that. As was the kids too.... everyone else over me. Even Missy! I dunno why you think what you do, but I'm jus not thinking on the same line as you I guess ;{
I'm srry that you misunderstood me. I never intended for that
your actions showed your priorities and you were very clear in the end about your thoughts on me and our relationship and what you were not willing to do. I truly do not think I misunderstood any of it.
i don't doubt that you wanted me to stay, or that you are lonely now that I am gone. And I am not saying any of this to be mean or hurt you. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt. That you didn't intend to do me harm. That you believe what you are saying now. I worry about who ever you end up with next if you continue on this way. I worry about your kids and what they have learned from you. And I really do wish you to be happy.
I only want you to be happy. Sounds like you only see me as a bad guy. I am sorry. No... I'd never try to hurt you. No I never wanted to lose you. Part of that is the only reason I went to therapy. I did it for us, not me. I dunno.... I guess I'm jus still concerned about you.
Take care... again I'm sorry

see? if i only saw you as a bad guy, i wouldn't have even bothered to say any of that. why would I? I don't know if you are really in such denial that you don't even know what you did and didn't do, but please understand that the reason i demanded you go to therapy was because you have issues that are affecting everyone around you. You chose not to make any changes, though. In fact, you doubled down and things escalated and got worse. Maybe you will never see it. Or maybe you are trying to play mind games with me on purpose. You will probably try to write me off now. I really am trying to help you and everyone you interact with. Maybe it's a lost cause. I'm sorry I couldn't get through to you. I really do wish you the best and I do regret how things went.

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